Human beings suffer loneliness and seek companionship. This is a fact. But once there is company, no matter who it is—your spouse, parents, children, friends or whoever—and no matter how much you love them, you do not like them sticking to you beyond a certain point. In fact, if it becomes extreme, you feel repulsive. After a certain point you feel saturated, and seek to be left alone. This too is a fact.
Is this a contradiction? How do we reconcile this? What are we ultimately looking for? Companionship or aloneness? Or is it that we are to keep having a bit of both till we die? If that is so, is companionship same as food that one consumes when hungry, and puts away when full?
It is not a contradiction, nor is it about balancing the duality. Because, there is a Triality—the thumb rule of Life—and it is a gradual progression from one end to the other – from Tamas, through Rajas, to Sattva. In the lower end of the spectrum one suffers loneliness, and therefore he goes through companionship; and then eventually one arrives at the other end where one is established in meditativeness, or Aloneness. But remember that extremes appear similar, and therefore, the two may be very easily conflated. Loneliness and Aloneness appear similar, but one is void, and the other is fullness.
If we have to consider an analogy, the movement is from black through colours to white. White may be confused to be black, in that both are apparently colourless. But while black is actually colourless, white includes all colours. You begin with the void of loneliness, try to fill it with the colours of companionships, and eventually find fulfilment by turning inward, which happens Alone. This is not to say you will necessarily give up outward company, but only that turning inward is necessarily an individual affair. You cannot turn inward with someone.
The movement, of course, is not a one stroke event. It happens in multiple cycles. One cycle from black to white leaves a tinge of white upon us, which intensifies after each cycle. After each cycle of black to white, the prolonged aloneness again becomes loneliness, and we again go through colours, and again arrive at white. A gradual increase of whiteness occurs over a period of time with each cycle. On the outside this means, the tendency of actively seeking company gradually converts into a sense of aloneness within.
Now, Aloneness may or may not involve physical Solitude. Solitude is obviously conducive to nurture, and to make the best use of the inner situation of aloneness. Everyone seems to know that Krishna spoke of Karma Yoga in the Gita; but not many know that subsequently he speaks of sadhana in solitude also (Ch 6 and 13). So, if one's aloneness is growing within, solitude must be sought, whenever possible and to whatever extent possible.
But even with people around, the aloneness of the person would anyway increase. Psychological dependency on others, and the tendency of actively seeking their company will reduce. Others, of course, will find it as negative, as white will be confused as black (depression etc.). So, the person may consciously engage in active company for the sake of others even if he/she does not need it. But sometimes the person himself, if he is not aware of all this, may think in terms of duality (Colourless vs. Colours). Then, yes, it will lead to conflict — he may consider his aloneness that is growing within as negative, and try to fight it or balance it with actively engaging in company (considered as positive). And it is also possible for people to confuse their loneliness to be aloneness. White and black can be confused with each other.
Therefore as far as the inner state is concerned, it is a progression from one end to the other, not a conflict between two things that needs perpetual balancing. Loneliness leads to active seeking of company. Active seeking of company transmutes into a growing sense of aloneness. And the aloneness, if properly made use of, will lead to freedom from both the need of company and the need of solitude.
The balancing act, if any, is only an external logistical issue — between finding time for solitude and company. But this balance does not mean 'equal' or some 'fixed' proportions, and the proportions vary from person to person. Everyone is in different degrees of inner aloneness, and there are people in all the spots in the spectrum. Some will hardly have any sense of aloneness even at the end of their life; for such people solitude will only lead to loneliness. Some others may have a strong sense of aloneness in childhood itself, and they may prefer solitude and minimal company in their life to nurture the aloneness.
As a general note – it seems that all such puzzles of life have their roots in the lack of awareness of the principle of Gunas. People always view life in terms of dualities (because of confusing white-black to be same), and that leads to the conflict "Colourless vs Colours". But recognizing it to be Triality leads to a graceful progression, from colourlessness through colours to an absolute all-inclusive colour.
Talking of colours reminds me of Natya Shastra. In ancient India, Kavyas were written to awaken the dull mind, fill it with all the Rasa (romance, anger, humour etc.), and each Rasa is associated with a particular colour. That is why entertainment is referred to as "Mana-Ranjana" – Colouring of the mind. So, the state of Tamas is countered with Rajas. But the purpose of all this colouring is to eventually establish the mind in Shanta rasa (Serenity) or Sattva. Serenity is not dullness that is devoid of Rasa; it is brimming Aliveness that is the source of all the other Rasas. That is why, Shanta rasa is represented by absolute white. So, one is to move from Tamas to Sattva, from one end of the spectrum to another. But if one does not recognize this fact, he will be lost in the conflict between dullness and the colourful Rasas, and will glorify the colourful Rasas his entire life; he will never know the possibility of realizing White. Whereas, if one is aware of this, he would assess himself, gracefully experience the colours as much as he needs, and move towards white.
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